Kyonko Doesn't Want to Play Today
by sarsparilla
Summary: A dark fiction in a gender-flipped alternate universe. Kyonko is having a really bad day and it gets worse from there. Rated M for implied mind rape, reader discretion advised.


_Disclaimer_: Only gender-flipped variants of original characters are present in this AU story where a particular event of book 1 went horribly and irrevocably wrong. Please pay attention to the given genre and rating while deciding whether you want to proceed! This piece of fiction deviates from my other works by being pure, unadulterated high octane nightmare fuel without a single upbeat twist. I repeat, this is _not_ a happy, uplifting story! If you feel bad after reading it then you were warned in advance, and if you feel _good_ after reading it then I don't really want to know that either. That said, welcome to the dark side of _Suzumiya Haruhi No Seitenkan_.

* * *

**Prologue**

This is my first summer as a high school student. Never in my life had I thought that it would be anything like this, and the reason for my need to revise my expectations can be expressed by saying just one name: _Suzumiya Haruki_, the boy who can warp reality around his will. I might never find out why he took an interest in me, an ordinary girl with rather ordinary ambitions, but that is what happened and there isn't anything I can do to erase the fact.

I am standing on the roof of the school building, barefooted, as I have left my shoes behind. The weather has been fair for the whole day and a faint smell of bitumen rises from the roof that feels warm against the soles of my feet. There is hardly any breeze in the air and I can hear birds warbling somewhere nearby. The atmosphere appears serene, at least until my cell phone starts to ring in the bag that I left by the entrance.

I know that it is Haruki because he keeps calling me just to check where I am. I stand still and listen to the angry, insistent buzz without any intent to pick up the phone, and that short moment of defiant inaction makes me almost happy.

I must stress the word 'almost'.

Then I sigh, take two quick steps and jump off the roof.

* * *

**Kyonko Doesn't Want to Play Today**

I love falling.

Slashing my wrists causes enough physical discomfort that my body has learned to abhor it and fights back until there are enough cuts to finish the job, and the merciful stupor sets in. However, it requires more determination on every round, and I have almost completely stopped doing it except for those days when I am too upset to even notice the blade.

Drugs and household chemicals are easy to swallow, but they make me really, really sick before the end. I have to be particularly desperate to actually resort to that, and I always regret it after the fact. Or at least until the next time, that is. I think that the last time I died by vomiting my guts on the bathroom floor was over two weeks ago, which should probably be seen as a minor improvement.

A handgun would be the ideal solution, except for the fact that I can't hope to get my hands on one. Still, the prospect of making _him_ see the resulting mess, even for a short moment, is so beguiling. Maybe one day...

A girl can dream, eh?

Hanging is a decent alternative once one learns the basics. After a couple of very painful experiments that ended in slow suffocation I found out that the proper drop distance depends on body mass and because my room is not high enough I must tie extra weight to my body to ensure that the neck snaps cleanly. Even then, it is a bit of a contrived way to go, and when I do it at home there's the unfortunate side effect that my poor little brother is usually the one who finds the body.

I've tried electrocution a couple of times but decided that it just isn't for me, and jumping under a train or bus is rather inconsiderate towards other people. Even if it is only me, I always feel bad after doing that. Drowning, then ... ugh, one round of that was more than enough.

But jumping off a bridge, or the roof of a building, just as I am doing right now, doesn't have any of those disadvantages. It may be only for a fleeting moment that I feel like I could fly, that I am free as a bird, but these moments are what I live for. And quite obviously, die for as well.

The abrupt stop at the bottom of the fall is too sudden to cause pain ... that is, until afterwards.

* * *

I open my eyes and realize that I am lying on my back on the pavement of the school yard. There is a crowd of students gathered around me, but they stay at a safe distance from the scene as if my condition were somehow contagious. I can hear somebody calling for an ambulance, then someone else saying that they thought that I was dead until I opened my eyes. Well, here's a newsflash for you, little miss detective: I _was_ happily dead just a moment ago and the reason for the regrettable change in my circumstances is squatting casually in front of me.

Haruki clicks his tongue disapprovingly and then shakes his head in a rather convincing simulation of sadness and regret.

"Why are you doing this to me, Kyonko? This is the third time this week that you jumped from the roof and it's only Tuesday. I can't properly express how disappointed I am right now."

As he speaks I realize that he has brought me back without bothering to repair my injuries, and when I try to move a bolt of searing pain shoots through my shattered body. I grit my teeth, determined to deny him the satisfaction of hearing me wail in agony. I can feel my ear canals suddenly filling with blood that seeps through the fractures in my skull. The headache is excruciating.

I'm unable to turn my head away when Haruki casually strokes my cheek with the back of his hand, feigning affection.

"What do you say, maybe I should leave you paraplegic again? Would that keep you away from trouble this time? Besides, you're so cute in the wheelchair and Itsuki loves company that doesn't run away from her lectures. You should really listen to her more and learn to be as keen to fulfill your superior's desires as she is. As you know, I only have your own best interest in mind."

I can hardly hear his words from behind the red veil of pain, and my body starts to shake uncontrollably. I'm probably going into shock.

Haruki watches me for a moment and sighs. My pain disappears as suddenly as it started and I gasp for air. For a short moment it feels as if I was floating again and the spasms subside when the body restores itself. I've still got the coppery taste of blood in my mouth which means that I probably bit my tongue, but the removal of such minor wounds was not included in the package today.

Haruki stands up and turns around to give the impromptu audience one of his sparkling smiles. I can hear how some female students get all hot and flustered at this show of attention by the most physically attractive boy in the whole school. He has been immensely popular ever since _that_ incident, and why wouldn't he be if that is what he wants? Well, I can't say that I was immune to his charms either, at least until I saw what hides just beneath the glamorous appearance.

I'm still lying in the dirt but the crowd disperses as if nothing had happened. But that's the issue, isn't it? Right now it has not happened to them any more. It's awfully nice when you can just wish all the inconvenient things away, isn't that so, Haruki?

Haruki looks back at me and frowns.

"I can't understand your stubborn disobedience. We both know that I've been blessed with divine power which means that whatever I do is an act of God, and thus right by definition. That also makes anything that you do against my will _wrong_ by the same definition. The fact is so obvious that even somebody as stupid as you should be able to grasp it! Thus, you should be grateful for me that I'm exceedingly patient and merciful despite your incessant disrespect. Your reckless behavior would bring dishonor to the entire brigade if I didn't keep fixing the mess that you make, but I'm growing weary of it. It just won't do in the long run!"

I don't say anything, and he doesn't really expect me to. Everything has been said many times over already, but he just loves to hear his own voice.

"And that's also why you're my subordinate and I'm the leader. My powers prove that I deserve it. I could make you obey me with a snap of my fingers and you'd crawl in front of me begging for my magic touch, moaning like Itsuki when I pet her, instead of retching in disgust as you do. Think about it. With just a simple gesture I can give you unimaginable pleasure! Every other girl around here would be ready to kill for a chance to experience it, but you keep killing yourself to avoid it. What's wrong with you?"

One of his most horrifying recent ideas, the "magic touch" isn't a hyperbole. I know it because he tried it on me once when I was careless. It was an experience even more intense than a high voltage electrocution, but instead of a mind-shattering pain it was a mind-shattering pleasure that temporarily reduced me to a quivering blob without a will of my own. Still, that wasn't the worst part of it. Like a drug addict, my body was left in a permanent state of insatiable hunger for more, and because of that I hate him and I hate my treacherous body that cries for his touch in the middle of the night, and when the craving becomes unbearable I drink bleach.

He may have gotten my body but he'll never get my mind, and since I know that he won't be satisfied by anything less than my complete surrender, this tug of war will continue.

Haruki seems to ponder the situation but I can see that he's already losing interest in it.

"Of course, I could settle for just forcing you into doing as I wish, or I could actually make you _want_ to do it, but where's the challenge in that? No, because I'm such a great guy I'll let you see the error in your ways and learn to love me out of your own will just like everybody else does. It's much more fun that way, isn't it?"

Oh, I'd love to get intimate with you, Haruki! Preferably with a kitchen knife, but since I know that I don't have any realistic chance of actually doing that, killing myself is the next best option.

Of course I don't say any of this to him. Besides that it isn't necessary in order to convey my feelings for him, I know that the silence bothers him more than anything that I could possibly say.

I can see it from his face that he's annoyed right now.

"Anyway, this was an unwelcome distraction. I've got much more important things to do, and I had to put them on hold just because you decided to make a spectacle out of yourself again."

Haruki chuckles, as if chancing upon a serendipitous thought.

"Actually, that's exactly why I'm so lenient with you. You're just crying for my attention all the time and that's really sweet, but you do it in this messed up way of yours. Say, the next time when you want to be with me, just buy me some nice gift. If you don't know what to buy then I can give you a list of _eroge_ games that I haven't played yet, and if the game doesn't live up to my high standards then I can always play with you. I'm certain that it would be much more fun for both of us than this endless carnage!"

He smiles and turns around, visibly satisfied at his latest performance, and throws one final quip over his shoulder as he walks away.

"See you after the school hours at the club room! If I learn that you're late because you've killed yourself again there will be penalties!"

After he has disappeared inside the building I finally stand up, feeling the onset of depression that always follows resurrection. My hair is a mess and my clothes are torn and dirty, and the perpetual harshness of my plight makes my guts turn into a tight knot as I try to remember where I left my shoes before the jump. That is when I notice a tall figure standing under a tree, holding a pair of shoes in his hand.

Nagato gives my shoes to me without saying a word and watches impassively as I try to comb dust and chaff from my hair with bare hands. When I look at him he volunteers a single observation.

"Six hundred and twenty-seven."

I haven't been counting the deaths but it sounds about right. I wonder how long it will take to reach one thousand. Please remind me in advance, I'll probably have to throw a proper party for the occasion.

"You do not intend to stop?"

Why would I? This is the only way in which I can defy him, one short moment at a time.

"Have you considered the possibility that he actually wants you to kill yourself so that he can revive you again?"

Yes. In fact I'm counting on it.

"Why?"

It's so typical of him that my first suicide hurt his pride and he thought something along the lines of 'if you want to kill yourself rather than to be with somebody as awesome as me then let's see how long you can keep doing that before you come back begging for mercy'. So, unless I kiss his feet and apologize for everything that I've ever done I'll be forced to kill myself in an endless loop where my only real choice is the method of suicide.

But it also means that I've already won. If he removed the curse and just forced me to apologize, it would mean that he'd also have to admit defeat when it comes to his own ultimatum, and that is an unthinkable proposition for him. His absolute confidence in his own irresistible superiority is the weakness that I'm turning against him, and that's why my heart jumps with joy every time when solid ground disappears from under my feet.

"I see."

Nagato walks away and I wonder whether he's going to report the conversation to Haruki, but it doesn't really matter either way. We both know that the other knows, and there's nothing else left than this cruel little play.

It may well be the case that my explanation was completely nonsensical to Nagato, because alien interfaces have a rather skewed understanding of the human mind. Maybe Asakura was just lucky when his ill-conceived plan didn't misfire but instead turned out to be a smashing success, at least for him and Haruki?

That was also the point where my nightmare began.

I had found an unsigned note that asked me to arrive at the classroom 1-5 after school hours, and I was foolish enough to see it through. I couldn't say what I was expecting, but I was still surprised to find Ryou Asakura waiting for me in the room. He _was_ our class representative, and quite handsome in his own way, but I hadn't thought that he'd have any interest in me.

I was unsure whether I should leave right away, but then he started to talk about some weird things, stasis and change and lateral thinking, and while I tried to understand what he was saying he walked up to me, and then stopped right in front of me and said a single sentence.

"We are running out of time."

I was about to ask what he meant with that when he suddenly pulled a katana out of thin air and severed my neck with one deft stroke. There wasn't anything I could have done to avoid it.

That was my first death, and I was genuinely astonished when immediately after that I found myself in Haruki's arms, my head soundly back in its proper place. However, he wasn't relieved to see me alive. He was _furious_, and demanded to know whether Asakura had told him the truth. That he had powers beyond all imagination. That I knew it but hadn't told him. That we all had known.

I couldn't possibly lie to him. It went downward from there.

He said that I was a manipulative bitch, that I had broken his trust by failing to tell him about the most amazing thing there is. It was my fault that he couldn't trust me any more. We had been mocking him all the time behind his back. That's what he believed.

It is all my fault! I know, Haruki, you have said that so many times that sometimes I almost believe it myself.

In retrospect I think that Haruki actually _liked_ it when he got the chance to resurrect me, because it made me permanently dependent on him. How many lives was it again that I supposedly owe to Haruki by now? Over six hundred?

No wonder then that Asakura has been looking so smug ever since Haruki made him the vice president of the brigade and demoted Itsuki to his personal bitch. Not that it made any noticeable difference in Itsuki's status, anyway.

I've also understood that Asakura's feat impressed the IDSE so much that he's now their primary representative and Nagato is just a backup unit. Still, sometimes I get the impression that Nagato actually cares about me in his minimalistic, unassuming way.

I look across the barren yard before heading back to my class. I didn't tell it to Nagato but there's another, even more important reason which gives me strength to carry my burden. I know Haruki better than he knows himself and there is one crucial factor that he has overlooked. He gets easily bored, and he's eventually bound to get bored of resurrecting me time after time, and because he can't admit defeat he'll just pretend that none of this ever happened.

And on that day, I will finally be free.

* * *

That is when somebody behind me puts a hand on my shoulder and I freeze on spot. A familiar voice whispers in my ear.

"Poor Kyonko! Suzumiya-kun is indeed bored with your little game, but you are gravely underestimating his ability to find new and innovative solutions to the problems he is facing."

Asakura's jovial laughter makes my heart race and I want desperately to find something with which to hit him but I cannot lift a single finger.

"Such a minor problem as you is, quite frankly, beneath the class of our leader, and thus he has given me the power to solve this issue for him. He doesn't want to know the details, just that the job gets done, and I'm only too happy to oblige. So, how about adjusting that sassy attitude of yours a bit?"

He moves his hand to my temple, still laughing. May you rot in Enma's hell for all of eternity, Ryou Asakura!

"Don't worry, I am not an unreasonable person. It will be perfect. You are going to obey, and _love it_."

* * *

_Author's Notes_: I got squicked pretty badly by reading a gender-flipped Haruhi fic that presented the characters in a very unsympathetic light, and felt compelled to pass the feeling around, only turned up to eleven and with a twisted kind of justification. Sudden fits of rage are an intended side effect of reading this story. Special thanks go to Arakawa Seijio, Durandall and Muphrid who reviewed the beta version of the story.


End file.
